By: Andrew Marten

My name is Andrew Marten and I hereby support Kentucky Grilled Chicken.

Ronald McDonald Gazes at The Man

This is a step in the right direction for KFC that feels neither forced nor contrived. They’re not like McDonald’s who are preaching health-consciousness, when all we want is the f*cking McRib on the menu full-time. Colonel Sanders is God and as far as I’m concerned, underutilized.

I, Andrew, have tasted Kentucky Grilled Chicken, which is probably from a shed outside Hoboken, but whatever. It’s amazing. I suggest you all try it as soon as possible. And remember, a real man, and I repeat a real man, grabs his woman and says, “B*tch, we goin’ to KFC.” If that woman agrees to go, it’s instant grounds for marriage. Seriously, do real men want to go to these fancy restaurants where Pierre brings you a chicken breast the size of a crouton? No. KFC Grilled Chicken. All hail Colonel Sanders. And yes, “Colonel” is how you spell “Kernel” … son.

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